The Weight of Us
by AnnabethReads
Summary: After an attempted murder on Elena, Damon must find a way to put her back together when she is sure she is falling apart.
1. Chapter 1 - Wickery Bridge

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot.**

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><p>Chapter 1<br>Wickery Bridge

_**Elena**_

I could feel the pain of his hands grabbing me. The dark bruises that would form, had I been able to make it out of this alive. His strength was made from years of drinking the sustenance of his lively hood. I had the power of an ant compared to his lion strength. No matter how much I kicked, punched, wiggled, and screamed past the thin white cloth wrapped around my mouth and clenched between my teeth, it was of no use. My death was imminent and as he crept slowly over the wood sounding floor I heard each creek and felt the nip of the cold bitter wind as it slashed against my bare legs. I only wore shorts and a sports bra, my clothes were taken from me the moment I was snatched away during a basic fall day run almost a week ago. I remember the chair, the straps, the bags. Needles in each arm as I was drained of blood. Ever so slowly was it dripped from me. stopped for a day and then repeated. I never even saw his face, I only heard his voice. The Middle Age Era accent with a hint of sass. It was higher than Klaus's and Elijah's.

I knew then that it was Kol Mikaelson. The younger brother of Klaus and Elijah, the older brother of Rebekah.

No matter how many time I think of each name I'm disgusted by each one of the Originals but at this moment it was Kol I hated most.

"Sorry about this, but I can't afford to have my brother get all the hybrids he wants." Kol begins to say, I stop moving momentarily to listen to him. We've stopped moving all together. "You see, if I say that the doppelganger is dead then he will have nothing. That is until I show him all the blood I've gotten from you and force him to beg me for it. Then I will be on top and he will bow down to my power." Kol heaves a sigh and readjusts his hold on me. His hand stays close to my bottom and I cringe at the contact.

I begin to plead through the cloth between my teeth. "Please Kol." I said in a chattered voice as my covered eyes welled with tears. "Sorry about this." He says nonchalantly. I hear something splash in water. Water. He's going to through me in the frozen lake. I once again start my thrashing and, with all that's about to happen, I call a name.

"Damon!" I cry loudly into the cloth. "Damon!" I sob. My breath begins to hitch, my fear of the water escalates. I start to shake and cry and scream.

"Goodbye." Kol says calmly, sitting me on a railing, the one of Wickery Bridge, and then shoves me backwards. I fall, slowly, like a bird falling from its nest. I can feel the wind around me and begin to wonder why on earth haven't I hit the water yet. And then I envision it. My parents' faces as we sat in the car that day and drove straight of the side. Stefan heard a car crash but could he or anyone with Vampire hearing, hear me crash through the ice and sink into the below freezing water? The answer was no, so I hold my breath, close my eyes, and feel as I crash into the water.

~.~.~

It burned. The water was so cold that it burnt my skin at contact but the pressure easily lifted the covering on my eyes. I could only see blurry black images under the water, and the bubbles that I blew from my nose. I looked to my hands and feet that were bound by rope and causing me a great deal of pain and struggle. I began to draw my hands back against my bare ribs. The motion helped with removing the ropes. My right hand began to slip out, my skin tearing from the rugged material but being released non-the less. I could feel my heart slowing as I began to run out of air and energy to move. My body beat was non-existent and I could feel how I was being drained by this cold and the lack of blood in my system. I should have given up, right there and then! I don't know why I persisted. I could have simply inhaled water into my lungs and allowed darkness to over come me. But I, being so stupid, fought harder and finally got my hand free. I ripped my feet lose and kicked my way to the surface. I could hardly see when I rammed my head into the thin sheet of ice that caused warm blood to flow from my forehead. When I drew in a strong breath of air and my vision cleared I felt relived. My hands fumbled around my head until I was able to untie the cloth from my mouth and pull it away. I bit so hard I caused blood to soak into the cloth to my dismay; I simply released it back into the water.

With my little lasting energy I pulled myself through the sharp ice that cut up my skin until I could feel the muddy bottom.

"Damon." I said with that final painful breath until darkness pulled me and I fell face first into the mud like beach.

_**Damon**_

"Any luck with the location spell?" I ask Bonnie as my hands held onto the glass of bourbon I hardly touched.

"Nothing, she is literally no where to be found! Like someone wiped her off the planet." Bonnie falls back against the couch and rubs her eyes in dismay.

"It's alright Bon." Matt says, rubbing her shoulder softly as she shook with sobs.

"I can't find her and I feel like it's my fault." She whimpers, I roll my eyes.

"It's not." Matt reasons.

"There is no reason as to why I can't find her though." She demands angrily, sitting up again and looking at the map on the coffee table.

"Look," I begin, resting against the single chair and taking a simple swing of the bourbon. "If Elena were truly in trouble, she would have called for someone by now. She knows very well… that um…."

"Damon, what is it?" Matt asks as I furrow my eyebrows and sit up again.

"I hear Caroline running." I say slowly, listening in as the patter of feet make it to the door and enter quickly.

"I heard her!" Caroline shrills, grabbing a blanket and beckoning us to follow. "She was calling for you, Damon, she's not to far from here." I rise so fast that my glass flies from my hands and clatters to the floor.

"Where did you hear it come from, Caroline?" I ask as I vampire speed to the door and whip out my phone.

"South of the town, near the border of it." She says as we begin to run and I fumble to call Stefan.  
>"Did you find her?" He answers with.<p>

"Caroline heard someone calling my name near the south end of town. We're going to check the bridge, you scower the border." I say, he agrees and hangs up.

"Why the blanket?" I ask Caroline as the wind whips past our ears.

"It's 5 degrees (-15 Celsius), Damon. She may need it." She explains, slowing down as we come near the bridge.

"Look everywhere, I can smell her." I say.

"Me too." Caroline sniffs subtly and then furrows her eyes. "Do you hear that?" She asks me.

"Crying." I say hopefully, running to one side of the railing while Caroline takes the other.

"Damon, look!" She demands, I run back to her side and noticed the broken ice that leads to the outer banks. There laid the body of a nearly blue girl. She shook from the cold and heart beat made no noise in my ears like they used to from this distance.

"Elena!" Caroline shrieks, we both run and make it to her side within seconds.

"Give me that blanket. Call Stefan." I demand, throwing my phone at her and whipping the blanket around Elena's slender frame. I curl her up into my lap and stroke her drenched hair as she nuzzles into my neck.

"I got you, it's okay." I whisper, grabbing her soaked toes that never got away from the water and tucked them into the blanket as well.

"Cold." She mummers against my neck as her cold lips skim my skin.

"We'll get you warm soon. I promise." I say looking at Caroline who is contacting Stefan and telling him to get home and get a hot bath going.

"Bye." She says, rising from the ground and taking her sweater off. She wraps Elena's hair in the sweater and helps me to make it up the hill without jostling her too much.

We begin to run until I see the boarding house come into view.

"We're almost home, Lena." I tell her, pulling the blanket a little bit tighter around her shaking frame.

"Stefan said he was going to bring by Meredith. She can help in case anything internal-"

"Meredith won't be able to help!" I spat loudly, slowing as I got to the door and burst through it.

"Elena." Bonnie cries, rising from the couch with Matt and Jeremy.

"She's freezing. Is the bath ready?" I ask them. They all nod so I run up the stairs to my room where I can hear the water filling up.

"Stefan." I say when I enter.

"Meredith is coming by in case of hypothermia or-"

"Just leave and get hot water bottles ready." I demand, pointing towards the door. Stefan leaves quickly allowing me to place Elena down despite her weak protests of clinging to my shirt.

"It's alright." I promise her, unclenching her shaking hands and removing the blanket. Her stomach was teared up from the ice as well as her right hand. Rope still hung around her left wrist and right foot. I remove the restrain and begin to undress her quickly of her bra and shorts. She refuses to open her eyes as tears slip down her cheeks and blood stays coating her forehead.

"Deep breaths." I coach her, lifting her back into my arms and easing her into the warm water.

"No!" She cries in protest, I remove her quickly.

"Elena, calm down. Open your eyes!" I say as she shakes her head and sobs.

"No! Don't hurt me." She begs, thrashing her legs since I held her arms. I kick my feet from the shoes I wore and placed her down on the blanket once again so I could remove my pants. I kept my shirt and underwear on as I picked her back up and stepped into the tub. Together I sat us down and held her against my chest as the warm water soaked our cold bodies.

"It hurts." She whispers as her fists clench my shirt and my hand slowly lift water to run over her back. I sink lower so the water is up to her chin and I can work on cleaning away the blood.

In that moment, the want to take the pain away and feed her my blood became insanely strong. I would give anything to heal her and take away all that has happened to her.

"I can make it go away." I whisper into her ear, hoping for her consent. All I get is silence, she just trembles and grips to me until I feel the water decrease in temperature.

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoy this story. It's before Elena is a vampire obviously, but Damon loves her instead of Stefan.<strong>

**Comment something nice :)**

**-Valentina**


	2. Chapter 2 - Socks

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 2<br>Socks

**_ Elena_**

I was uncomfortable with him holding me naked. My body was manipulated in ways that made me feel un-pure; my own purity was ripped from my grasp like a little flower that was teared away by a big bully from a little girl. I wanted nothing but to tell Damon but it feared me to think that he would leave me for what has been done to my body.

"My girl." Damon whispered once again into my ear as he kissed just below the earlobe, the same place that I used to shudder in ecstasy.

"Da-day-Damon." I stutter, closing my eyes from the warmth that surrounded us. I could see the heat rise off the water and knew it would be a while until it cooled.

"I promise to kill whoever did this to you." I could hear the fragile hint in his voice, the same one that indicates anger and sadness. He would cry had his walls not been built up so high.

"Damon," There was a light knock on the door but it stayed shut for my sake.

"Yeah?" Damon replied, by now I knew the voice was Caroline's.

"Bring Elena downstairs when you want. Meredith is here so she wants to check up on her. We have a lot of blankets and hot water bags." She explains, I glance up at Damon with my possibly red eyes and nod that I wanted to get out.

"We'll be down soon." Damon dismisses, stroking a hand over my head and wiping some blood off with his thumb.

"Alright." Caroline says through the door, walking away with the quite pitter-patter of her feet.

Damon rose easily with me in his arms not even slipping due to the water. The cool air made me tremble even more, especially with my exposer and lack of clothing.

"Shh, I've got you." He says, wrapping a large fluffy towel around me and walking us into his room. I hold to his sopping wet shirt and indicate that I refuse to be released unless it means to be clothed.

"Shirt, pants, and underwear." Damon lists, opening drawers and pulling out select items.

"Socks." I inform him in my hoarse voice.

"Of course!" Damon says in a playful voice. I give a very weak smile as he sits me down on the bed and slides one of his boxers on me. It hangs from my hips opposed to fitting his thighs when he usually wears them. He slips some socks on after and then his large pajama pants that he pulls the drawstrings of. He makes a careful bow with the long string and then reaches for the shirt, which he pulls over me.

"Stay here for a moment." He whispers, running to his dresser again and changing his wet clothes into dry ones. "You still bleeding?" He asks me once he was changed and drying me hair with his towel.

"My stomach hurts." I say, cringing as the fabric of my shirt touches the wounds on my stomach.

"Meredith will have something." He says, dropping the towel to the ground and wrapping a blanket that sat on the foot of his bed around my shoulders. He takes my elbows and helps me rise onto my shaky feet. "Up you go." He says, scooping an arm under my legs and carrying me out of the room.

**_Damon_**

I could still feel her ice-cold skin through the large shirt of mine. Her lips were blue and as I put her socks on I noticed the black tips that formed on her toes. Frostbite nipped the sensitive skin on her fingertips and her ears were red.

"Put her here." Stefan said once we were in the living room with everyone else.

"I sat on the single chair by the fire and curled her up on my lap with the blanket. Bonnie and Jeremy placed hot water bottles between her arms and in her shirt based on Meredith's instructions. More blankets were piled on top of her and she was offered a mug of warm tea with a hint of drugs that would probably help with the pain.

"Hi Elena." Meredith said, sitting down in front of her and placing a tentative hand on her knee.

"Hi ." Elena said softly, tucking her small hands into one of my big ones and sniffling.

"Damon, Caroline, how was she when you found her?" Meredith asks, looking behind her back to the blonde who chewed at her nails.

"Well she looked like she swam out of the frozen lake. And she didn't fully get out because her feet were still dipped in the water. We don't know if she jumped-"

"I didn't jump." Elena snaps, I rub her back when I see tears come to her eyes.

"Well she was trembling and the ice scratched up her stomach. She was only wearing a sports bra and shorts." Caroline finished, huffing uncomfortably when Meredith looked to Elena again.

"Stefan, get me a warm wet cloth to clean way the blood." She instructed, Stefan gave a quaint nod and left the room momentarily. Meredith stood up once again and took Elena's chin in her hand. She examined the bump and pulled up a flashlight, which she shone in Elena's eyes.

"She may have a concussion, if she does sleep we have to wake her every hour."

"Her toes and finger tips were black." I say suddenly, Elena looks up to me in fear.

"Well she was in a hot bath for a while. The damage should be fixed, let me just wrap them up." I remove the blanket from Elena's feet and slip her right sock off first while Meredith searches for her gauze. Stefan hands her the hot towel, which she places on Elena's head and then gets to work covering each toe and finger.

"My stomach hurts a lot." Elena manages to say; Meredith nods in understanding as she beacons Matt to help her remove blankets. Bonnie sits up a little more and strains her head to catch a glimps, slowly everyone follows. I raise the shirt and reveal the cuts.

"Could be much worse. Nothing a little antibiotics and Band-Aids can't fix." Meredith cleans the wounds and wraps them; finally deciding that her head was also okay and just required some ointment.

"Thanks for everything, Mer." Stefan was at the door, opening it for the doctor to leave while I readjusted Elena on my lap.

"Are you still cold?" I ask her, tucking a blanket around her neck.

"Not really." She says sullenly, rubbing her head into the crook of my neck.

"Can I get you anything?" Bonnie asks, pointing to the kitchen.

"No thanks."

"Lena, you need to eat. Mer says you lost a l-"

"No thank you Stefan." Elena says a little more firmly.

"We were so worried about you." Matt says as he offers me the mug of tea, which I placed on Elena's lips and tipped into her mouth.

"I want to sleep, Damon." She says quietly after swallowing the tea and shifting a little.

"Okay, just close your eyes. I've got you." I promise her, placing the mug on the armrest and stroking her semi-wet hair back.

**_Elena_**

My head hurt a lot and the pain in my stomach only increased as each minute passed. It didn't feel right. The cuts weren't bothering me but my insides turned uncomfortably. It was not easy to say in words and I was too tired to explain to Damon the possible urgency. So instead, I lay in his arms and attempted to sleep while my friends quietly spoke about me.

_"She was ice cold…"_

_"Maybe she did-"_

_"Don't get started with that again Care. You heard her say she didn't do it." _Thanks Matt.

_"Maybe Caroline has a point. She almost hurt herself after mom and dad and now Aunt Jenna. It maybe pushed her over the edge." _

_"Come on Jer, you know Elena wouldn't leave you." _Bonnie says.

_"Whatever it was, there must be a good reason. When she wants to talk, she'll talk." _Stefan closes the conversation at that and asks about Alaric's where abouts.

_"He went to tell the police that Elena has been found." _ Bonnie says. I turn slightly when my stomach tightens. Damon senses this and presses me closer to his hip.

_"How'd you guys push through the smell of her blood?" _Jeremy asks.

_"It wasn't too noticeable, especially since we were so concerned about Elena that we just wanted to get her home." _Caroline explains; Damon makes a noise of agreement. 

"Bu-cket..." I mumble unintelligibly.

"What?" Damon asks me, taking my chin in his hands and tilting my head to face him.

"Bucket." I say again, clenching my eyes even tighter as I felt the bile rise in my throat. Before I could vomit all over the blankets, and myself a metal trash can was placed on my lap allowing me to sit up and release the non-existent contents of my stomach. I dry heaved a form of water. The burn in my throat grew and my stomach was tearing itself apart. Tears sprang into my eyes as gags teared through my body and I felt the need to pass out.

"It hurts. It hurts. Please make it stop!" I plead, shaking and sweating from this newfound body heat.

"I can't baby, just take deep breathes. I'm right here." Damon holds the back of my head and strokes the end of my hairline with his thumb. I pass out not a second later.

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><p><strong>What do you think? Is this a good fanfic so far or should I trash the idea and think of a new one? <strong>

**Comment :)**

**-Valentina **


	3. Chapter 3 - Deeply

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 3<br>Deeply

_**Damon**_

Her head fell limp in my hands after I told her to relax. Her body was cold but she was sweating from throwing up.

"I'm taking her upstairs. Someone clean this bucket please." I place the trashcan on the floor and exit the room with Elena cradled in my arms. I climb the stairs as my hands carefully feel for the secure heartbeat of my love. I felt the gentle pulse on her side, which would go unseen to a basic human touch.

"I've got ya." I whisper to her, opening the door with my toes and turning side ways to enter the room. I place her on the right side of the bed, the side she always sleeps on, and lift the blankets up to her chin, stroking back her hair and wiping her mouth with the small towel that was used on her forehead. I kiss her cheek and leave the room to find Stefan leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets and one knee bent while the other was outstretched.

"She's okay, right?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sense anything wrong physically." I say, running my fingers through my hair and puffing a distressed sigh.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, watching as I leant against the wall next to him.

"Just worried about my girl." I say distraughtly, watching the bed inside the room incase Elena moves.

"You don't think she did that to herself, do you?" He asks.

"No… maybe." I watch my feet momentarily before throwing my head back and looking up at the ceiling. "After Jenna," I stopped, swallowing hard and contemplating whether I should tell Stefan about what happened with Elena. I never told anyone for her sake but now it only seemed like the right thing to do. "Elena tried to be good for Jeremy but the pain was a lot for her to take in. She would… hurt herself. I could smell it on her at first. It was like a tinge of blood lingered on her everyday. I ignored it for the first week thinking it was like her monthly cycle but then it went on for another two weeks and I couldn't figure it out. That wasn't until I woke up in the middle of the night to find her not next to me. She was in the washroom and there was blood and a razor. I was scared beyond belief. She stopped after that but maybe she's started back up and-"

"And you don't know what to do if she did?" Stefan guessed; I nodded in agreement.

"It's like protecting her is what I desire to do the most but I know I can't because the world is against her."

"How so?"

"Her parents die, she learns she's adopted. Her real mom doesn't want anything to do with her. Her real dad was a jackass. People want her dead; her blood is needed for hybrids. She watched her Aunt Jenna die. It's like I have to save her from herself. You know?"

"I get it. When I was with her I felt the same way. Still do sometimes. But she is strong and able to protect herself but then there's this venerable side to her. A side that screams 'Help' because her emotions are getting the better of her." Elena shifts in bed, we both look at her expectantly. "She's just so fragile." He finishes.

"Damon." I hear her mumble causing me to stand up again and turn to look at Stefan.

"I should go. If anyone wants to stay the night just offer them a guest room." I say, he nods and gives a weak smile.

"Sleep well." He waves.

"You too." I enter the room and close the door, walking to the bed and quickly checking on Elena before heading to my dresser. I slip off the pants I wore and put on my pajama pants, grabbing the still clean jeans and folding them back into their assigned drawer. I quickly clean the bathroom of the water and towels and blood, draining the tub of its rose liquid substance.

"Damon." Elena mumbled again, I heard the covers shift as she turned in bed. I vamp speed to her and climb into bed, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her nose.

"I'm right here Lena bug." I whisper, she wraps her legs around my waist and clings to me as if for dear life.

"I can't sleep." She admits, squeezing her eyes really tight.

"Try baby." I draw both hands up and down her back so only my finger tips graze over her shirt and massage her sensitive skin.

"I see it." She mumbles into my chest. I glance down at her and before asking what, I notice the curious looking teeth mark hidden near the back of her neck. My fingers trace around the bite mark as I try to think back to the last time someone has bitten her and she healed naturally. By the looks of this mark it was recent, the skin was closing very slowly and it looks white around the broken tissue.

"Who did this to you?" I ask her in despair but by the look of it, she passed out and was finally sleeping the way she deserved: Deeply.

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><p><strong>I'm glad this story is working out so far :)<strong>

**Comment, Follow, Like :)  
><strong>

**-Valentina **


	4. Chapter 4 - Eternity

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 4<br>Eternity

**_Damon_**

I didn't dare sleep that night. My mind was set on making sure Elena was comfortable and if that meant having her lay on me all night with her head on my chest and hands gripping my shirt with so much force her knuckles were white, then I would stay that way and simply watch as she took each breath. I glance to the window every few hours and noticed the sun rise over the distant horizon and eventually rest just a little higher over the trees indicating 7-10am being the hour.

Elena slowly released her grip on my shirt and was rather startled about where she was.

"Lena." I say evenly, trying to grasp her attention and she unwrapped her legs and moved away from me slowly.

"No…" She whispered distantly, not looking at my face.

"Elena look at me, baby. It's me, Damon." I reason with her, not moving a muscle to show her I wouldn't harm her.

"Please don't hurt me." She begs, her eyes grabbing mine and shooting absolute pain from the way her pupils grew with the panic.

"It's me, Damon." I say again, looking behind her to see how much bed she had left before falling off. Her breath quickened as she watched my slightly raised hands showing my surrender.

"I… I'll do anything." She mumbled, slipping back a little more and just kissing the edge of the bed with her heel.

"Elena, be careful." I warn her, glancing behind her once more and then springing to grab her. She was quicker however and fell backwards, dragging the sheets with her and she hit the floor with a heavy _thud. _

Her breathing grew audible as she thrashed her legs to get free of the sheets and banged her back into the wall.

"Let me go!" She sobbed, kicking her legs, which were a tangled mess of pant and white sheet.

"Elena." I repeat her name with a firmer tone, going to her feet and helping remove the blanket that she tangled herself in.

"Please," She sobbed quieter, I shushed her gently and tossed back the free sheet. She instantly brought her knees to her chest and rocked herself back and forth in a fury of sobs and pleas.

"Elena, look at me." I say, gently cupping her chin and focusing her eyes on mine. "It's me, Damon." I say, compelling her to realize that she was safe in the Boarding House.

"Damon." She breathed, I nod, releasing the hold I held with her eyes and pulling her into my arms. "I thought you were- and he was- I was scared." She sobbed, not making coherent sentences.

"It's just me. I would never hurt you." I tell her, rocking her in my arms as she clung to me.

"How'd I end up on the floor?" She asks me, looking at me with the those big doe eyes that glistened with tears.

"You fell when you were trying to escape me. Or whoever it was you saw." I explain, rubbing a thumb under each eye to clean away the tears. "Does anything hurt? Did you hit your head?" I ask looking her over with great worry. I only found a small bruise forming on her elbow.

"I'm fine." She nods, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Who were you afraid of Lena?" I ask her after a moment of silence.

"I don't know. I only heard a voice." She says sadly, raising her left hand and rubbing the bite scar that I saw yesterday.

"The same voice that did that to you?" I ask her, slipping her hair over her right shoulder and running a finger over her bite. She cringed away from the touch but gripped my shirt tighter. "Sorry." I whisper, covering the bite once again and returning to holding her head against my shoulder.

"Did I wake anyone?" She asks me.

"I only heard Stefan and Caroline awaken. Everyone else couldn't hear you." I said, she nodded and raised a hand to her chest. Her fingers ran along the empty neck line, I knew she was searching for her vervain necklace that I gave her not long after she discarded the one Stefan gave her. She would run her fingers over the necklace when she was nervous or thinking about something too deep to be disturbed. She was always looking for comfort in that necklace when no one could provide her with it.

"My necklace." She says tightly, running her hands over roughly where it should be, as if it would magically appear. "It's gone. He took it!" She sobbed, looking at me again.

"It's okay, I'll get you a new one." I promise her, grasping her hand so she'd stop clawing her chest.

"No. That was my necklace and that bastard took it. He stole everything from me!" She demanded angrily, rising a little too quickly for someone in her state.

"Elena, calm down." I beg her, rising faster than she did and grasping her waist so she wouldn't fall back down from the sudden rush of blood to her brain.

"I lost my necklace." She sobs. "You gave it to me and it's gone."

"But I'm here and I'll get you a new one." I promise her kissing her forehead as she nuzzled her face into my chest. "I'm always right here." I whisper near her ear, stroking her hair back with careful fingers.

"I'm tired to losing the things I love, Damon." She explains, more tears rushing into her eyes. "My mom, my dad, Jenna. My necklace, the house is being taken away from Jer and I! I mean, this whole life thing is falling apart and I don't even know why I bothered to get out of that frozen water. I should have just… stopped-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." I say firmly, looking at her eyes with a fire like determination to make her understand something. "You didn't stop living because I'm here. Your brother is here. Your friends are here and we love you. We would do anything for you and it doesn't matter that you lost a necklace or a house. You're always home with me, I'll always be here. I never want you to think that it would have been better to just die because for you it would be easy but for the rest of us…. We'd be lost with our Elena. I'd be lost without my girl." And with that I kiss her. My lips pressed into hers, after a week of separation and I knew I needed this. I needed her to know that I loved her and that she was mine for eternity.

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><p><strong>I forgot my password... I never forget <strong>**this password but I did and I'm so very sorry for that. **

**Please don't stop reading, I swear to continue updating! **

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**-Valentina **


	5. Chapter 5 - Faster, Blurrier, Louder

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 5<br>Faster, Blurrier, Louder

_**Elena**_

It felt good to have his lips on mine. My heart beat hard against my chest as his hands held my face and he passionately kissed me like he used to. But there's the thing, he used to, past tense. Now I was damaged goods and knew that there was a 50% chance that this was a pity kiss. A kiss used to guilt me into saying anything and everything. With this thought I pressed his chest away slightly and moved my head away from his slowly.

"Damon," I sigh in dismay. Why does he have to make it so hard for me to get into his over-confident mind that we won't work after he gets the whole story.

"Elena, don't push me away." He pleads, I heard the sincerity but I still didn't stop my explanation.

"You won't want me after I tell you what happened." I say harshly, pushing myself away from his wall like chest.

"And what makes you believe that you know all my decisions now?" He asks with a smirk.

"Because I know you, Damon! And I know you liked me because I'm just "Sweet Ol' Lena." But I'm not. I'm gone, this body isn't mine anymore." I argue, pointing to myself when need be and suppressing tears amazingly well.

"What do you been by that?" Damon asks, stepping closer to me again, I step back in return.

"I mean that things happened while everyone thought I jumped off a bridge and while I'd rather not speak about it now, you should know that when I do tell you'd be the first running for the hills."

"Do I look like that kind of guy?" He asks sadly, his eyes weakening in their fierce light.

"I want to say no, but we both know that it's true. I'm damaged Damon."

"And I'm going to fix you! I'll be right there with you, proving to you that what we had was good, and that you need me to love you like that all the time because it made both of us happy." He says, holding my upper arms as I surrender to his touch.

"I just don't want to get hurt anymore." I whimper, looking away from his face, which I feel like I've betrayed by the hurt in all his perfect features.

"Then let me love you." He whispers, stepping closer so my body is pressed against his and he can cradle my head against his chest.

"I also don't want anyone to get hurt by me anymore." I add after he pleads with me for my love.

"Listen to me, Elena Gilbert," He presses my shoulder back slightly so I can watch his baby blue eyes. "I did not spend a week searching for you day and night just so I could lose you again. I love you and you may not feel the same right now but I will prove to you, eventually, that our love was real and that it was so good and so perfect and so pure," I cringe at the word pure, "that no one could take it away from us." I notice the tears that fill his eyes and quickly acknowledge them by raising my right hand from his hold and wiping away under his left eye.

"Just don't hurt yourself in the process." I say softly, hugging him once more before a knock came at the door.

"Damon, Elena, we have some food ready downstairs, Elena should come and eat before it gets cold." Stefan explains, walking away after that without a response from either Damon or I.

"Are you hungry?" Damon asks me.

"No." I admit, resting against his right arm as he releases our hug and turns to look at the bed.

"Well you should eat anyways, it will help you get better." He says, walking to the dresser and pulling out the black zip-up he sometimes wears under his leather jacket. "I don't want you getting cold." He says behind me, placing the sweater on my shoulders so I can slip my hands into the arms. He comes around and zips it up, smiling quaintly when I'm bundled in the sweater. "Come on, we can't miss out on whatever concoction Caroline and Stefan were fighting over to make for you humans." He says sarcastically, I shake my head with a small smile and take a few shaky steps to the door.

"I knew it'd be hard. Come on, jump on my back." He instructs, crouching slightly so I can get on safely. "Hold on." He instructs beginning to rise and walks to the door. We head down the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen where in fact, Stefan and Caroline were bantering over the food.

"Hey Sweetie," Caroline greets after they both found me on Damon's back. "How are you?" She asks skeptically as Damon places me on the bar stool.

"Fine." I say warily, inhaling the scents in the kitchen and cringing as my stomach flipped to the thought of actually consuming anything no matter how good it smelt.

"So what will you have?" Stefan asks, opening his arm and motioning to the food on the counter top.

"Umm…" I begin to say unsurely, looking for the least assaulting food that would settle in my stomach.

"We have eggs, bacon, pancakes-"

"I said you liked waffles but Betty Crocker over here says otherwise." Caroline cuts in; Stefan rolls his eyes but looks back at me to finish.

"There's hash browns, and hot chocolate." He finishes, resting his lower arms on the counter and leaning into the island.

"I'll have a pancake, I guess."

"Good," Caroline chirps, whipping a plate out and placing two pancakes onto it. Damon comes up behind and me and begins to stroke my hair while I take the plate and slowly fork small pieces into my mouth. Alaric enters the kitchen, thankfully distracting me from having to eat.

"A) Why does it smell so good and B) How are you sweetheart?" He asks, approaching me and holding my head carefully in both hands. He looks at the cut on my forehead and gives a slight wince at the sight.

"That's some mighty fine work you've done there." He says, laughing at the end and removing his hands.

"To answer your question on the smells: that was Caroline's and my doing. As for Elena, we can't speak for her." Stefan says, motioning to me.

"I'm fine, thanks." I mumble, tucking my hair behind my ears and resting against Damon's chest since sitting up was exhausting in itself.

"Everything good physically?" He asks while piling bacon onto a plate, I nod lightly.

"She has a concussion and is malnourished. I wouldn't say good but it could be worse." Damon says, kissing the crown of my head and rubbing my cold left hand. "Now will you finish eating those pancakes?" He asks me, mocking the tone of a frustrated person as he squeezes me a little tighter and spins my chair back to look at the plate.

I begrudgingly take another bite and one more until Bonnie enters with Jeremy running downstairs after.

"Good morning." Caroline chirps to keep the light mood going.

"Morning." Bonnie says, taking a seat next to me and smiling.

"How are you?" She asks, personally I've never hated a question more than the classic 'how are you?'.

"Fine. How was your night?" I ask her, dropping my fork back down onto the plate to Damon's dismay.

"Good. This house is so cool at night." She exasperated.

"Witchy voodoo cool, or normal person cool?" Jeremy asks piling pancakes onto his plate and stealing some bacon from Alaric.

Bonnie sticks her tongue out at him but answers anyways. "Both, I think."

"Well whatever it is that you felt last night can wait for Elena to finish eating at least that whole pancake and half of the other." Damon says grabbing my fork and placing it in my hand again.

"Damon I really can't." I say, flipping my head back to look at him upside down.

"Eat." He says with a laugh, kissing my nose. I groan inwardly and look back at the monstrous plate of food. I wasn't hungry, but I'm sure Damon was. I swivel in the chair and look at him with concern.

"You must be hungrier than I am." I say, stroking my thumbs under his eyes where veins appear when his hunger is aggressively shown around blood or anything living for that matter.

"It's not that bad." He says, shaking his head and grabbing my left wrist carefully. He holds my hands and kisses my nose. I glare at him to stop trying so hard to get hurt by this… relationship he is aiming for but he simply smiles that arrogant grin.

"I'm going to go drink a blood bag. Two minutes." He says, about to leave.

"Wait, we have some up here." Stefan says, opening the fridge and slipping a hidden compartment open. He draws out three bags and hands one to Caroline and one to Damon. I look at the way the blood sloshed in the clear containment and feel my stomach turn.

That's what my blood looked like. All of it just living outside my body as I shut down and fight to reproduce what I lost.

My fingers shake as I drop the fork down and breathe deeply. If I throw up then it'll only make things worse. If Damon sees I'm sick then he'll find reason to send me to the hospital.

"Umm, I have to go to the bathroom. Please excuse me." I say, rising carefully and walking as fast as I could, which in reality, wasn't that fast.

"Are you okay?" Damon asks me, half way through his blood bag.

"I'm fine, I just haven't peed in a while." I say, someone laughed lightly as I turned the corner and went to hallway bathroom.

I avoided the bathroom near the kitchen due to Damon, Stefan, and Caroline's incredible hearing.

At last I came into the dark room with a single, not so good, light. I shut the door and flipped the tap on, resting my hands on the counter and breathing deeply as I ducked my head. The lighting, the confinement, it was all flying back at me. Only once have I used this bathroom, it slipped my mind that it was the only un-updated part of the boarding house.

My skin crawls with his fingers lurking over the pale area. His breath by my ear, left arm over my chest as a restraint. His laugh, his coos. The way my heart beat hard with panic. The tightness, the lack of air. The stench, my vomit clogging my throat. It all rolls in, grasping me by the throat and squeezing until my vision blurs.

The blood.

The needles.

The nurses saying that I shouldn't move.

I collapse to the floor in a fit of coughs, holding my own throat as I crawl to the old toilet and lift the seat. I throw up the pancakes, and water filling my stomach. It burns even more than yesterdays, and my stomach clenches in agony as it gets payback on me for forcing food into my un-prepared body. I shudder out a strong breath and hold my forehead as the room spins like the teacups at Disney.

Faster, and faster. Blurrier, and blurrier. Louder, and louder.

I hear a loud whistle, like the one you hear when the water is done boiling over the stove. His laughter trills in my ear. I wanted to scream. I **had** to scream.

And so I did.

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><p><strong>What do you think is up with Elena other than the classic PTSD? Can this be deeper than suspected? Would you like to figure it out? <strong>

**Comment for more! :)**

**-Valentina **


	6. Chapter 6 - Losing Yourself

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 6<br>Losing Yourself

**_Damon_**

It had been only a mere minute since Elena left the room and then we heard the scream. Everyone stopping, and dropping whatever they held in shock. Heads turned to the hallway where Elena walked through as those who sat stood up and I ran towards the nearest washroom. Her scream persisted so I ran to the next, the oldest washroom with the scariest look. I now knew why she went to the furthest room away from the kitchen. She was sick.

"Elena." I say, trying the door and knocking as hard as I could with my fist.

"Da-Damon." I heard her sob; the doorknob shook in my grasp, showing she was trying to get out.

"Unlock the door, Elena." I say firmly, knocking again.

"I can't. I'm st-stuck!" She cries; I heard her shaky breathing.

"Move behind the toilet, I'm going to kick the door in." I warn her, listening intently as she scurries over to the far corner and cries heavily. I back up slightly and kick the doorknob; doing it once more before the door opened lightly and I could get in. My girl was huddled in the corner, her knees hiding her face as she trembled. Everyone looked with concern into the bathroom as I approached and wrapped her into my arms.

"What happened?" I asked her, stroking her hair and grasping her chin once I had her seated on the now covered toilet. She tried to tug her head to the side as she shook with more cries but I held her in place, grabbing her eyes with mine. "Baby, tell me what happened." I say, compelling her to talk to me.

"I was trying to catch my breath after seeing the blo-od and then felt claustrophobic in the wa-shroom." She explains, sobs breaking up every few words as she wiped her tears with the bottom of her hand.

"Do you need air?" I ask her, looking at our tight surroundings.

"Ye-yes." She stutters, grasping my hand. I help her to her feet and together we leave the room. I help her slip on a pair of boots over her socks and wrap a blanket around her shoulders before walking us out the door. The others began to talk frantically in the kitchen.

Once outside Elena relaxed. She was no longer enclosed in a wall-covered room, making her breathing easy and body less frigid.

"Let's walk." I suggest, holding her side as I led her through the snow-covered front grass and towards the road.

"Damon, I'm afraid to tell you certain things." She says honestly, tucking her bandaged hands into her pockets.

"Why?" I ask her, glancing down at her shivering frame.

"Because there is only so much you can tell to someone you love. After a while honesty begins to hurt them so you stop altogether." She says.

"But it hurts way more when you see that person you love in pain because they can't say what's bothering them." I reply, watching the icy road with a sober glare.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You never lost me, Lena." I remind her, she nods as she presses into my side a little harder.

"But I lost myself and that's probably the worst thing you can ever do because once it's gone there is no finding it." She explains.

"What are you talking about?" I ask her, stopping our walking and turning her to look at me.

"I don't feel the same after what happened. Like I'm a different soul inside the same body. It happened after mom and dad. After Jenna. Part of me changed and I haven't figured out what it is but it's bothering me because I feel like I need to talk to someone who can't leave me when I tell them things they may not like."

"I won't leave you." I reply quickly.

"Who's to say you won't though?" She asks me.

"I'm trying Lena."

"And I appreciate that, but I'm just wondering why is it that the people who were never able to leave us managed to die because the world thought it was their time? I've had so many moments when I've wanted to talk to my dad about graduating and have him help me with SAT's and school projects because he loved helping with school work. I need my mom when I had boy problems or felt burdened by the world but she left too. Jenna was all I had left when it came to maternal love but she died as well. It's hard because I was supposed to dress up for Prom and have both parents embarrass me in front of my date. Or I was supposed to apply to Colleges and University's and have both parents standing there with me as I opened those letters but they weren't and they never will be." She chokes on her last sentence and fresh tears roll down her face.

"Do you know who was there though?" I ask her, cupping her cheeks. She shrugs as her bottom lip trembles. "I was. Remember when I teased you and Stefan at the prom? Or when I personally delivered those letters to you and carried you around the room because you got in? I remember Elena, all that we've done together, I remember." I say, catching the fallen tears.

"Why haven't you compelled me to forget last week?" She asks in a whisper.

"Because I want you to admit to yourself first whether or not you are ready to convince yourself about what has happened and if you are ready to let it go."

"How about healing? You haven't given me your blood." She says, to this I look down ashamed.

"Finding you at Wickery Bridge was one of the worst experiences of my life. I saw the broken ice and thought about Jenna and I guess I wondered if you tried to kill yourself."

"Damon you know I wouldn't hurt myself." She demands.

"It was a first thought because no one else was around. And you have hurt yourself before, you're just to ashamed to admit it." I say, she glances at her wrists.

"That still doesn't answer my question." She points out.

"I didn't heal you because if you were unstable mentally and tried to pull that stunt again with my blood in your system then you'd come back a Vampire and you wouldn't be able help yourself if you were busy grieving over your own life."

"Why not now?" She asks, her chocolate eyes not dropping mine.

"Because I'm afraid that if you admit to being hurt by someone else then you wouldn't want to be here anymore. Like I said, blood in your system is like a leash to this earth at this point. I need to know that you're ready." I explain. She nods and presses her face into my chest.

"It was Kol."

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><p><strong>Lack of updating, not a good choice for a writer! Sorry about that, a lot has been occupying me at the moment (for more information or possible advice please go read author note on Innocent Love chapter 75)<strong>

**Do you think Elena is moving to fast for her comfort?**

**Will Damon go running?**

**Comment :)**

**-Valentina **


	7. Chapter 7 - The Flower Effect

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 7<br>The Flower Effect 

**_Elena_**

I could feel the way Damon's muscles went rigid at the name. His arms pressed me into him even more as I shut my eyes, inhaled his scent, and went on with what happened.

"I never saw him, I never saw anything except for glimpses here and there, the entire time I was blindfolded and gagged. I was sat in a chair every other day, for the whole day, with needles in my arms as I was drained of blood and left to rest until I was ready for the next time. Kol's voice was very distinctive, it had to be him. It all clicked when he responded to the name and began to monologue before throwing me into that creek."

"Why?" Was all he could choke out. For the first time I found Damon speechless, it made me feel regret in sharing what happened.

"He wanted to get back at Klaus. If I was dead but he had some of my blood he could taunt Klaus into doing anything he wants to get it for his hybrids. Klaus would become a puppet and Kol would be the master." Damon carefully moved his hands up to hold my cold face. I flinched from the contact, as did he but his hands never faltered in holding my eyes on his.

"If there is one thing I've learnt in my 173 years on this God forsaken planet is that pain is inevitable. Everything we do requires pain brought upon others or ourselves. Like you said, not telling the truth makes you feel like you are protecting your loved ones when, in reality, you are hurting yourself even more. I can see you are hurting, Elena. Not just physically, there is something in you that I feel when I look into you eyes or even make contact with you. Like a pain of betrayal, or repellence."

"Don't you think it hurts to know that you almost died and all your friends think it was because you tried to commit suicide?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

"It must hurt worse than a stake to the stomach, but I know it's not just pain from the way people think of you. It's… deeper."

"I'm not made of layers, Damon." I snap, stepping back from his hold on my face. "You can't just assume that there is a deeper meaning to everything about me!"

"But there is!" He says in frustration. "Everything you do and say literally has several meanings to why you did it."

"But this doesn't. This pain I feel is from years of everything I love being taken away from me, and it sucks! This life sucks and after everything, EVERYTHING, I've been through I might have taken my own life eventually. One day, when this whole wide, bullshit of a world comes caving in on me, I hope I'll be able to forget about what Kol and those stupid henchmen did because this is driving me insane." I rant on as my images blur of Damon. His dark figure was with a background of trees one minute and then road the next. I was pacing, circling him almost. I stood at the road edge, my voice tight with the realization of no one giving me back what I lost. This wasn't a simple flower picked from a child by a bully. This was my purity, everything I'm built around, that was ripped from the safety of my own body in few simple moves. This was not a flower that could grow back with time and patience. Some gross man had his way with me and was selfish enough to take my last possession away.

Money can be replaced.

Jewelry can be replaced.

But people can't.

And what they are as people can't be replaced either.

I'm forever stuck in this orphaned body of an impure girl with no more reason to live except for her brother. If I did take my life, the reasons would be legitimate and fair.

I've lost sight in what beauty is. In what happiness means. The sun that shines reminds me that it is truly a ball of fire waiting to combust and destroy the universe. The stars are orbs of gas and shooting stars aren't meant for wishes. They are simply dying stars. There is no happiness in hell, this earth feeds off of despair and loneliness.

"Elena? Snap out of it!"

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><p><strong>I straightened my hair and it looks amazing guys!<strong>

**Comment what you think of the story :)  
><strong>

**-Valentina**


	8. Chapter 8 - Stay With Me

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 8<br>Stay With Me

**_Elena_**

I lay on Damon's bed for the rest of the day. Every few minutes someone came by and checked on me but I mainly stared at the wall to my right. My body was in the fetal position, my legs at my chest and arms hugging myself together because no one else can do it for me.

When lunch was offered, I denied. When Lunch was forced, I resisted. I listened to Stefan rant lightly about how my health is already low and I need to eat something. I watched Bonnie pace and Caroline offer me a spoon of chicken broth to which I simply flipped onto my left side. I finally heard Damon scream and throw a fit about life being hard but now was not the time to decide whether or not I wanted to live it. He gave in after 5 minutes of my silence and tears.

Dinner swung around and the routine was repeated only this time Damon was coaxing me food to which I flipped back onto my right side. Needless to say, Damon threw the plate of toast at the wall and got mad at himself for letting me out of the house and letting me talk about what Kol did. Well, most of what Kol did.

Stefan took him out and Caroline came to clean the smashed plate. Once she exited the washroom she crouched by my side and caught my eyes with her blue ones.

"I'm not going to compel you, but you need to understand that we are all trying. You've always been strong Lena, even as kids. Bon and I called you Little Lena when you truly were bigger than the two of us, not physically but in your heart. Everything that you do and say is always filled with devotion and life and you should know that seeing you in this state is scaring us. Damon most. That man with no heart what so ever, is in near tears because of the way you are. He fights because that's all he knows how to do. He fights just as hard as you do and with just as much meaning. We'll keep trying but you have to help us Little Lena. You have to want to get better." With that she strokes my cheek and rises, leaving the room with a final glance at my sobbing state.

**_Damon_**

"How is she?" I ask Caroline the moment she enters the living room.

"Same, I told her that she needs to try to live but she just stares at that stupid wall." Caroline puffs and falls onto the couch next to Alaric.

"After mom and dad, Aunt Jenna couldn't get her to eat for 3 weeks." Jeremy remembers.

"That was scary." Bonnie says, glancing at him.

"It's only been a day and she is hurting more than anyone has ever seen her hurt. It's like she's trying to shut down her body." Matt mumbles.

"Wait-" I say, hushing everyone in the room and listening carefully to the upstairs room. "She's standing up." I whisper.

"Well it's been a whole day. She needs to pee." Caroline says.

"Should I go help her?" Bonnie asks.

"No, I'm listening. Don't worry." I take a sip of my bourbon and leaning back against the couch, glancing up to the ceiling where the bathroom is located. I heard the tap turn on, and a light trickle, only not the kind from a toilet but the kind from a tub. Part of my mind is telling me that something is wrong but it's Elena. She's far too weak at the moment to do anything aside from pee apparently.

"I'm not going to go into any details about what we talked about today but she was so strange. One minute her life was important to her but it was destroyed and the next it hits her like a bus and she remembers every tragedy she has been through. Her motive to live literally died like a fire running out of match to burn through."

"Like she turned off her humanity?" Stefan asks me, I give a quaint nod.

"Yeah, like a human form of shutting everything off. It's like she'd rather have sunken in the creek than be here today." I explain; Jeremy covers his face in frustration.

"We'll how do we show her what life means again?" Alaric asks.

"We can't. That's only something she can commit herself to remember. We are simply here to help her chose the right door."

"This is sort of abrupt but does anyone smell blood?" Caroline asks, sniffing the air with a slightly wrinkled nose.

"If by anyone you mean Stefan or I then no, I don't smell anything." I say dismissively.

"Wait, I do too." Stefan agrees, rising from his seat and sniffing the air closer to the stairs. My heart tightens and I sniff a little stronger as well. Sure enough there was a metallic tinge to the air and I was the first one up and running to my room. When I enter everything looked the same. Elena rested on my bed, the lights dimmed and a blanket partially placed over her legs. Only difference was the smells that assaulted my nose. Everything about the air screamed blood and it came from Elena.

I carefully crept closer to the bed and noticed her sleeves first. The blood coat was small against the blue top she changed into after I carried her back from our walk. It was lightly absorbed and the sleeve was up to her fingertips forcefully.

As I got even closer I noticed her shaking body. How much more blood could she afford to lose?

"Damon?" She whispers softly, a sniffle coming after my name.

"I'm here." I tell her, crawling into bed and laying beside her, waiting for her to flip over and look at me. She sighed and did as I hoped, covering her bloodstained sleeves slightly. She knew very well that you can't hide blood from a vampire.

"There's this pounding in my head that won't stop and my chest is so tight it hurts to breathe a-and-" Sobs cut her off before she could finish explaining. I pull her into my chest and allow her to cry with great intensity. Her hands fumbled but eventually manage to cover her ears as she curls herself up and sobs loudly from everything consuming her mind. "Just make it go away. Please take the pain away." She begs me.

"Why does it hurt you so much, Lena?" I ask desperately as I sit against the headboard and hold her body on top of mine the way we did last night.

"Because he r-r-raped me! He took all I had left and stepped on it! Now make the pain disappear. Please!" I could feel my mouth go dry and body freeze in the wake of her words. Someone touched my Elena and got away with it. No wonder she's so distant and said that I would treat her differently after what she went through. She thinks I'd love her less after telling me someone raped her.

"Look at me." I demand. "Elena, look at me." I repeat. She lifts her head and continues to sob as my eyes hold hers and carefully take control over her emotions. "Listen." I tell her, taking her wrists lightly and holding them with great caution. "What you just told me doesn't change anything about you. It doesn't count. That was a sick move and I promise you, Kol will pay for it. But don't hurt yourself over it. I love you no matter what. You're **my **Lena Bug and no one else's. My girl with the most incredible doe eyes that I've ever laid eyes one. And the greatest heart anyone can ever hear beat." I carefully peel back her sleeves and notice as her sobs come back a bit more. "When you do this, your heart beat lightens just a little bit but I can hear it and I know that your body is working harder to compensate for what has been done. I don't care if you have scars on your wrist, or have been inappropriately handled by Kol. But I do care if that perfect heart of yours slows down because that means I'm losing a little bit of you with each uneven pulse. So please," I carefully kiss the surface of each wrist and block away the desire to drink her blood. "Don't take that away from me. Stay with me."

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><p><strong>Delena moment!<strong>

**Comment, Like, Follow :)**

**-Valentina **


	9. Chapter 9 - Remember

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 9<br>Remember

_**Third Person - Omniscient**_

Elena stayed in bed for the next week. She enjoyed cuddling next to Damon whenever he gave into her stubborn behavior, but refused to eat and as soon as everyone except for Alaric and Damon left for school it became even harder to get her to even leave the bed.

Alaric was able to get her to take a bite of porridge in which she threw up later that evening. Her body is literally shutting down and Damon was getting even more frustrated over the fact that he's convinced himself to not give her any of his blood until he knew she wouldn't harm herself.

"Elena, just take a bite of the soup and then I'll leave you in peace or I swear to god I'll force Meredith to come back here and take care of you!" Damon fussed for the sixth time that day, holding a small bowl of broth that steamed lightly in the dim sunlight.

"I'm not hungry." Elena whispered, clenching her hands over her stomach a little tighter and shutting her eyes in annoyance. The world was hard to shut out and the words in her head hurt her more than anything she'd ever experience.

Damon blew air from his nose and rolled his eyes. He placed the bowl on the nightstand where a glass of untouched water sat. He wanted to get mad at her. He wanted to scream and force her to get better but that was not an option. He knew very well that they always argued everyday and she just got weaker after each "discussion". Instead he took a deep breath and crouched by her bedside once again, his fingers combing through her thin dark brown hair that was recently brushed by Alaric.

"Open your eyes." He whispered, cooing her with his gentle voice. She carefully peeled her eyelids open and decreased the dark shadow that was made heavier by her long lashes. The tiredness was still there however. "Just talk to me. I'm done fighting this. I want to listen." He explained, continuing to stroke her hair.

"I'm just hurt, Damon. Please let me sleep." She pleaded, closing her eyes again. Damon stopped stroking her hair and shook her shoulder lightly, making her open her eyes again.

"I can't bring back your Aunt or parents and I can't take back what Kol did but I can teach you what happiness means again." Damon says firmly.

"That's not possible."

"It sure as hell is. This world has so much to offer and you aren't meant to lay in bed as the hours tick away."

"Just a few more days." Elena whispers, and with that she fell asleep from exhaustion. Damon heard hear intense heart beat as it attempted to send blood all throughout her body. She was on overdrive and this was a bad sign. _One more day_, Damon promised himself, _One more day of this and if she doesn't get better then I will feed her my blood. _

_**Elena**_

My sleep never consisted of dreams. Dreams are for those who are happy and know what it means to live. Nightmares are for those too emotionally scared to be fixed.

I'm consumed by nightmares. Each sleep starts with darkness and ends with fire. Fire that burns me away the way my insides do each time I breath or move or even attempt to feel. I've forced myself to go numb so I couldn't feel anything or anyone around me. Damon could stroke my hair for hours and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the usual satisfied feeling I get out of it. Instead I just feel fingertips on my head. Nothing but that.

I can hardly fathom the reason I chose to sleep again. I know I wanted to get rid of Damon but I've put myself to experience hell all over again and I'm starting to miss the wall I stare at each day, hour, minute, second. The wall never changes, my life does. Now I'm stuck watching a different scenario of pure torture.

White. The colour is white. The light, the walls, the ground, the sky, it's all white.

This inexplicable phenomenon of my sleep induced images is for once a bright colour of overpowering freedom.

Voices. I can hear the voices. Multiple voices that sound familiar but a little happier. Shadows, three of them. They get closer, I can tell that two are women and one is a man.

Then the faces.

The oh so beautiful faces of my mother, father, and aunt.

"Mom." I whisper first, tears falling down my face as she smiles herself and laughs a sob out.

"My little girl." Dad gasps, looking at me with both shock and sadness.

"Daddy." I croak out, wanting to run to him but too paralyzed by the fear that they will all disappear if I do.

"Elena," Jenna says in a familiar voice to the one dad used. She was eyeing my appearance as well. "What have you done to yourself?" She whispers, tears skimming her eyes. It was in that moment that I glanced down at my self and noticed the simple outfit of a white tank top and dark denim shorts that I wore. My body was pale, opposed to its natural dark olive tone, and I was mauled by bruises, up my arms and down my legs. The cuts on my wrists were exponent and the scars showed against the light.

"Why have you started again, baby?" Mom asks me, my eyes flicking up to look at her. I was crying heavily by now and shaking with great ferocity.

"Because you left me." I accuse. "You all left me!" I say, angrily swiping the blood away from my wrists. I was tired of bleeding all the time!

"Stop." Dad demands, stepping forward.

"Don't." I warn, sniffling back my tears. "Don't come any closer." I beg him.

"Why not?" Jenna asks, walking up to me, I step away.

"Because you'll disappear again and I don't want to wake up knowing I'll never see you again." I scream at her, feeling a wall against my back as they continue towards me. "Please," I sob, sliding down the wall and shaking my head in refusal.

"Lena Bear." Mom whispers, her voice pulling my heartstrings with such aggression I knew I'd die the moment I awoken. She sat next to me and reached to my face. I threw my head against the wall and clenched my eyes shut, waiting for her touch that would never come because they would all disappear. But then I felt it. Her fingers run under my wet cheekbones as she cleared away the salty tears.

"Mom." I sob with my eyes still shut as she caresses the side of my face and dad runs his large hand over my knee.

"Open your eyes." Jenna instructed, I could feel her arm against mine as she sat down and took my hand in hers.

"No." I croak in refusal.

"Please." Dad begs, "I miss your eyes." I sob once more and then finally open my eyes, looking into his first with great pain. Mom cleans my tears away and smiles.

"You're so beautiful." She whispers, tucking my hair back.

"Why'd you go?" I ask painfully.

"Because the world was done with us." Jenna says softly.

"That's not a good excuse! Everyone says "because it was their time" but that is not true!" I demand angrily. "We are all born with the power to live until the age of at least 90. No one should die prematurely and be excused for it because "it was their time"".

"But that's the way destinies work, kitten." Dad explains, sitting down with his hand still rubbing my knee. "We are all meant to live our lives until it's our time to go. It's unfair that you and Jer lost us this quick but we know that you two are great, honest children who can work through anything together. Leaving is the hardest part but watching you is the easiest."

"Where were you when I was kidnapped? Or hurt by Kol?" I ask sobbing hard at the thought.

"We were there, and we were begging you to keep yourself together. It was the hardest thing to witness and each night I held your hand as you slept in the place you didn't know but I knew I couldn't protect you. Insanity is that part that gets people killed in your situation but you managed to hold everything together. So why did you stop now?" Mom asks, I shrug in response.

"There is nothing left for me to love." I say.

"What about Jeremy?" Jenna asks.

"Don't you see that he has others to fall back on?" I ask.

"They're there for you too, you know." Mom reminds me, I shake my head in the negative fashion.

"They all think I'm hurting myself because I want to." I say.

"What do you mean?" Dad asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to do any of this. My brain is telling me I do but my heart is saying the complete opposite."

"Compellment." Jenna says softly, looking in the distance.

"What?" Mom asks, stroking the crown of my hair.

"Compelling is literally a form of forcing someone to believe what they say _mentally. _If Elena feels like this isn't what she wants then it's not her body's plan. This is her mind that was changed without her hearts consent."

"Did Kol do this to me?" I ask tightly, trembling at the name.

"It may have been a back up plan of some sort." Jenna explains.

"So he knew that there was a possibility she could survive the creek?" Dad clarifies.

"Exactly. He wanted to make sure she desiccated away in the scenario she did survive the creek. She did so she is now willing herself to slowly die away. No food, water, emotions. Everything you want to feel is only been privileged to you in the nugatory fashion. Even if Damon compelled you, it wouldn't work because Kol is an Original. His compellment over you is non-reversible."

"So I'm going to die?" I asked, frantically looking to my mom and dad.

"There's a way to fix this." Jenna says, catching my attention once again.

"How?" Mom asks, squeezing my hand.

"Listen to me very carefully Elena. This is a place of solitude from the compulsion. Everything you hear you remember so this should help you. If you want to live you have to will yourself to do so. You have to remember what it means to feel, not just inside but outside as well. Do you feel your mom's hand? Your dad's hand? My hand? That is feeling. The way I squeeze your hand or your dad strokes your knee is a reminder of touch and one of your five senses.

Now take a deep breath. Do you smell the air? The way the smell travels through your nose and into your system. The sweetness, or bitterness. It doesn't matter how it smells as long as you can remember it.

Now try to taste what you smell. Try to remember the taste of your favourite food or even the taste of Damon kissing you. Those sweet flavours combining in your mouth.

Listen to the noise of this room. The way my voice sounds, or your moms, or your dads. Our voices are a memory of noises you store in your brain. Don't lose those. What you hear can be beautiful.

Finally, look around. Look at your parents. Look at the light. Look at me. Remember these sights? The beauty of this world? Don't you remember that not everything is dark? You only see the darkness of a room on a bright sunny day. Or the black raven hair of Damon instead of his bright blue eyes. You have to will yourself to see the brightness of a moment instead of the darkness."

"Just remember." Mom urges.

"Remember." Dad repeats. Their voices grow distant. I watch them with wide eyes as they grow faded. I glance at my own body and notice the now healthy girl I posses.

"I love you." Jenna smiles.

"I love you Lena Bear." Mom says, kissing my cheek.

"My baby girl. I love you so much." Dad kisses my forehead and the hazy images of the people I love rise and begin to walk away.

"I love you." I say back. "I'll remember." I promise.

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><p><strong>Will Elena be able to remember how to live? <strong>

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><strong>

**-Valentina **


	10. Chapter 10 - Feeling

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot (of the fanfic).**

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><p>Chapter 10<br>Feeling

_**Elena**_

I awaken to a harsh light that is exponent even to my closed eyes. This light is different from the one in the Boarding House, I could tell even with my closed lids.

I run over my dream. Jenna's words ring in my head as I do as she instructs.

_You have to remember what it means to feel, not just inside but outside as well._

She said to me. So I do. I run my left fingers over the sheet I lay on. My fingers rub the unpleasant material in a circular fashion as I force my right hand to feel what it's held by. A soft, large hand. I can feel the safety of a hand as I continue with her instructions.

_Now take a deep breath._

I inhale deeply, cold air tickles my nose and I can smell a strong scent of disinfectant and… air conditioning? In other words, it smelt extremely clean but the kind of clean that I grew up hating.

_Now try to taste what you smell._

I carefully open my mouth slightly, my dry lips peeling at the motion. I licked the dryness away and tasted a metallic flavor along with a bitter sensation of saliva. It was unpleasant and disgusting but I was tasting, non the less.

_Listen to the noise of this room._

I perk my ears slightly and instantly hear the beep of a monitor. I can hear people outside as they laugh and speak and cry and hurry around the place. The ventilation system is making a humming as cool air is blown onto me.

_Finally, look around._

I peel my eyelids open and finally find the source of the aggressive light. It was above me and was one of those white luminescent lights that conserved energy. It hurt my eyes so I opted of turning my head to the right where I knew the hand of a person held to mine. I could see the monitor and an IV drip along with a blood transfusion that draped behind me and connected to my left hand. But then I see him. The man with dark raven hair. No that was dark, Jenna said look at something bright. I squeeze his hand and instantly see those baby blue eyes that were as bright as stars in the sky. They were panicked and relieved all at once.

"Never, ever scare me like that again." He reprimands, rising quickly and kissing me.

I can feel his lips, smell his skin, taste him, hear his hand shift as he holds my head and rubs my hair behind my ear, and see the happiness his eyes hold the moment he pulls away and allows his tears to fall.

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><p><strong>Comment, Like, Follow :)<strong>

**-Valentina **


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